I was listening to a radio talk show yesterday, when a woman called in to comment on the topic at hand: Holiday etiquette and gifts. I listened, dumbfounded, as the woman and the show host agreed that if you are given a gift you don’t particularly like, it’s okay to say to the giver, “Thanks for thinking of me. Perhaps I should exchange this gift, if you don’t mind, for something I’d use more often.”

Can you imagine?  Can you?  I mean, am I wrong in thinking this is…wrong?

We’re not talking here about gifts that are duplicates or are the wrong sizes…we’re talking about gifts that you don’t like because you didn’t hand pick them out for yourself.  So you were given a book about Germany, and you would rather read about Peru.  You know what? I think you should go ahead and read about Germany, because the point of a gift is that it’s about the giver as much as the recipient, and if they think there is something interesting about Germany, well hey, maybe there is.  Gifts open us up to new experiences and interests because we did not pick them out ourselves.

So if you are reading this and you get a gift from me this year that you’re none too thrilled with, let me assure you that under no circumstances is it acceptable to do anything at all but smile and say “thank you.”

That’s it. Simple, really. Good manners usually are.

Well, it is happening–I’m officially getting old. Today I actually berated someone over the phone for “poor customer service” and then complained for half an hour about it to anyone who’d listen.
Me: I can’t believe people these days. What happened to The Customer always being right? People just don’t care anymore. Nobody cares about doing a good job. (scowl)

Polite Listener: Mmmhmm. (They say “mmmhmm, but they are thinking “you sound just like my crotchety old grandmother.”)

I don’t know when it happened…this sensitivity of mine to not being treated well by operators, clerks, salespeople. I turned to my husband after my unsuccessful phone call and he smiled. I used to let it roll off me–little things like this–but I’m getting cranky.

I distinctly remember being 21 and working for an insurance company. Folks would call up and complain about their claims being denied, or their paperwork getting lost. I’d think to myself: geez, get a life! It’s Thursday…only one day ’til the weekend. Woo Hoo! Par-ty!

Now I’m that complaining adult on the other end…ugh.  I don’t like it. (scowl)

I thought it would be fascinating for you, dear reader, to see what a few of my favorite websites are.

Just kidding. You probably don’t care…and that’s just fine, but here are some anyway.  Drumroll…in no particular order:

http://wordpress.com  —> obviously. I tried other blogs, e.g., vox, blogspot…this one worked best for me. It’s easy and clean, no ads on the pages…I keep finding new ways to search, and I’ve found a great blog community here.

http://hotmail.com —> I dunno. I keep coming back to it. I’ve tried other email, but I like this.

http://amazon.com —> to read reviews of books prior to buying them.

http://craigslist.com —> to get a job, or to sell just about anything.

http://www.writersmarket.com —> if you write for a living, you already know this site. If you want to write for a living, you’ve got to go here.

http://duotrope.com —> for writers; a great index of various publications that take submissions, includes information regarding pay and response times.

http://makeupalley.com —> I just have to say…I LOVE THIS SITE. Really cool makeup reviews. If you are into makeup, you’ll love makeupalley. If not, don’t go here, you’ll be bored silly. But, for me…makeup is a habit I indulge in on a regular basis. I review everything I wear on makeupalley and I read reviews of various cosmetics and skin treatments prior to purchasing them.

http://gofugyourself.com —> this is a website showcasing your most celebrated celebrities who wear outrageously ugly clothing. This site amuses me.

http://awfulplasticsurgery.com—> same concept as gofugyourself (see above), but with an emphasis on terrible plastic surgery on the Hollywood set.

http://www.gethuman.com/us/ —> lists hundreds of companies and how to dial your phone so that you can actually speak with a human, bypassing the automated voice system.

http://www.beatricearthur.com/ —> you may or may not know this about me, but I know almost every single Golden Girls episode by heart. I don’t really understand why, but the show has a tremendous appeal…it cheers me up. Bea Arthur is my favorite “girl” and I like her in general. I go to this site often to see what she’s doing and in the hope that she’ll come to the Bay Area. I’d love to go see her.

http://www.mcsweeneys.net –> oh, how to describe? McSweeney’s Internet Tendency…a great site for the literati, or for you if you like to be amused.

http://www.guru.com/ —> take a look if you are into contracting/writing. A great resource for freelancers.

http://www.wsu.edu/~brians/errors/ —> a list of common errors in English usage. A resource for writers, and also for every American…so much of what you thought was English isn’t.

http://www.rosary-center.org/howto.htm —> for the inner Catholic in me, this is a resource on how to pray the rosary, etc. Very informative.

http://www.scrapvillage.com/fontsm.htm —> great fonts database.

http://www.cafepress.com/ —> you can create your own merchandise here. Pretty cool.

http://www.babycenter.com/toddler/toddlerbehavior/index –> an easy place to look up various child behaviors and get a quick synopsis of how other parent’s deal with them.

http://forums.findstone.com —> when we went through our home remodel, one of the trickiest things was findinga reputable dealer for granite. If you have granite in your home, this is such a wonderful resource. So many people mistreat their granite without knowing it—this is a user-friendly guide to help you keep yours perfect.

Okay, so there you have it.  There’s about 100 others I go to frequently, but I thought I’d randomly throw some out there.  What are your favorites?

Like so many, I correspond primarily through eMail these days.  When I think of “getting the mail”–I think of going out to the mailbox to get the daily bills, and (yipee!) coupons. 

But the other day, a mysterious package showed up, and I opened it to find the coolest “mail.”  A friend who has a son with her Nicaraguan husband had sent it to me.  Her son had outgrown his Guayabera shirts, and because she knows I have a fondness for these particular shirts, she sent them on to me.  These cotton and linen shirts are made in Latin American countries and have an ethnic feel and look to them that appeals to me.

I love unusual things that come in the mail.  Happily, there are people spread throughout California, a great couple in Washington state (we miss you!), my dad and his wife in Missouri, who love my kids and send them delightful packages and cards throughout the year.  It is such fun to receive these gifts and missives, to open up the package and find…a t-shirt from Notre Dame, a beautiful handmade blanket, a toy or book picked out with one of the kids in mind.  Such thought and effort!

But back to the shirts I got on Friday.  Here is a picture of Gregory in a Guayabera (cute, right?).  So much nicer than a utility bill or a reminder that I’m due for an eye exam. 

Something special in the mail.

He holds you hostage, you know.  With drill guns, and shots full of numbing agents.  Pressed into a chair with a bright light blinding you, you hand over control and hope…pray…that what’s about to happen is not going to hurt.

I’m talking about the dentist.

I just got back from my dentist, a great guy who puts you at ease by asking about the kids, the weather, “how was your Thanksgiving?”–that sort of thing.  He’s a family man, a regular joe, and I think he’s pretty cool. But then he revs up the drill.  A real-life drill.  Which is going to touch my teeth–THAT HAVE NERVE ENDINGS IN THEM!

When he walks out of the room to go get something (more drills?), I quickly place a call to my husband on my cell.  Me: “I’m about to bolt.  I’m scared.”  Hubby: “Hee hee.  You’re fine.”  Me:  “I’m NOT JOKING.”

But I stayed.  I was too embarassed to try to sneak out.  And, sitting here now, my teeth nice and clean…a cavity filled…I congratulate myself for seeing it through.  I’m so adult.  Brusha Brusha Brusha.

In a moment of sheer, unmitigated madness, I decided it would be FUN to go shopping the day after Thanksgiving. 

It was, predictably, NOT FUN.

People are mean this time of year.  Something about being in a store saps the feeling of holiday charity all around.  The hordes of people, the clammering for that one item that is 40% OFF!!!!  WHAT A DEAL.  It feels ugly and for me, it is depressing.

An option: shopping online.  I think I’ll give it a go this year, because I’d rather not face Macy’s, Target, the Mall.  Somehow, www.redenvelope.com feels much more doable, and more thoughtful in the end.  I’d like to peruse the goods to be had, read the descriptions, enjoy laying out the money…all of this as opposed to muttering, “excuse me, pardon me” as I try to jostle my way through a throng to take a closer look at that sweater that might be a fit for my husband.  Oh, I forgot to mention…jostling through the throng with two boys in tow…a definite hazard.

The holiday’s are here.  My gift to myself: staying out of the stores.

Tradition dictates that I ponder some things to be grateful for in the year past.  A (very) short list:

• +My children and their health.
• +My husband–his health restored.
• +My health.
• +My family, who love me.
• +My friends, whom I love.
• +My country. God Bless America.
• +My comfy bed…where I lay my head.   I am thankful for every minute of sleep I get.
• +Coffee and the caffeine it contains, to keep me awake all the other minutes.  Thanks, too, to my dear husband for bringing me my cuppa every morning. 
• +Law & Order re-runs, priceless to me for their relaxing properties.  A glass of good wine and an L&O is all it takes to put me in a good state of mind.
• +My writer’s group–inspirational and motivating.
• +My dogs.  I bitch about them, but I love ’em.
• +Mascara.  With enough mascara, I can convince anyone that I am awake when in actuality, I am walking around fully asleep.

This list is extremely, absurdly incomprehensive.  There are somewhere around 3 gazillion other things I am grateful for this Thanksgiving.  Alas:

Thank you, for reading this.

I wanted to get away this weekend, but we didn’t plan and before we knew it…it was Friday night.  Too late to plan an impromptu weekend away. 

But the interesting thing is…we had a great “away” anyway.  We went to the Marin County Farmer’s Market–and it was almost like getting away. 

The beautiful fruits and veggies, the artisan booths, the baked-food and gourmet vendors, the music.  The kids enjoyed the lively crowd of people, Gregory took advantage of the bounce houses and the opportunities to run ahead of us and point out new and interesting things.  Every corner had exotic samples to share: brazilian cheese bread, curries, unusual cheeses, boutique olive oils.  I felt energized by the commerce and the sharing…it was apart from the usual weekend trips to the market, cleaning out the garage, errands, etc.

Weekend getaway.

I initially posted this a few days ago, however…someone I respect a lot was offended and insulted by it, so I removed it.  After considering it, I’ve decided it’s accurate, and a blog is…after all…just my thoughts.  If you disagree with this post, just chalk it up to differing opinions.  And to that person who hated this post—even though you liked this movie, I still love you!

I succumbed to all the hype surrounding the movie Borat and bought my ticket…one zillion people can’t be wrong, right?

I went, thrilled at the prospect of escapism…leaving behind my real life for a couple hours.  I’d read a review (“it’s smart and funny! original!), seen how the movie was eliciting stars and thumbs like I’d not seen in a long while.  This is the movie of 2006!  A MUST SEE!

The movie came on…disbelief quickly turned to disgust…then to boredom.  The jokes got old fast.  A Candid Camera with nudity and references to bodily functions and incest.  Daring!  Genius!  After about 30 minutes, I called it quits.

I believe I have a good sense of humor…I fancy myself having an ability to see the absurd or the ironic in daily situations. I rely often on dripping sarcasm to get my point across, and I snicker at the politically incorrect on a frequent basis. So, why was I turned off by this movie?

It’s not that I am necessarily disturbed by the movie itself.  What disturbs me is the fawning, the positive reviews, the declaration by our society that this movie is somehow great.  It’s not.  It appeals to the basest parts of our selves, and the fact that it is the #1 movie in America at present says more about the state of our country than the elections of last week, the war in Iraq, the price of gas, the ozone layer, our timber forests, or the divorce rate.  It says, in essence: we as a nation desire to be amused by the lowest common denominator.  Both a frat boy and the most pretentious university professor can laugh with with equal abandon at Borat. Even playing field.

Time magazine proclaims that anyone over 35 years old will hate this movie, and those under 35 will love it.  That seems a valid demarcation, but you may be that 40 year-old hipster who thinks this movie is truly entertaining.  If you loved this movie and consider yourself somehow intellectual, unique, of fine taste, alas hip…you are not alone.  There’s millions of you (unique) consumers out there-all proclaiming that a man playing jokes on regular folk with a plastic sex toy is GENIUS.

Me thinks the joke’s on you.